The following has absolutely nothing to do with the events in Meridian
“By golly that was an intense session!” Danny spoke with a real humdinger in his voice. Around him his gaggle of friends walked in an air of enjoyment. Though night had fallen and the streets were coated in the shadows of a Sunday morning, the group glowed like a second sun, reminiscing about lemon scented Skeletons having nearly slaughtered them en mass.
“Yah!” Geoff chimed in “I cant wait to see what happens next time. Do you think we’ll have to kill the last two necromancers?”
Cameron piped up “I Should hope not, This one nearly burned our nose hair!”
Laughter echoed through the street.
“Well gee” Danny said with a hum “This is my turn. Gooooooooodbyeeeeeee!” his arms waved like a drunken eagle trying to stay in flight. His friends all waved back as the roaming jolly slowly broke apart, each child wandering of to their own bed.
Scanning his badge, the blonde bandit made for the spooky death elevator, his eyes assaulted by the incandescent lights burning in the lobby. With a ding the doors slid open. Finally back to his room, Danny spoke out loud to himself in that way he always does even though his roommate was already in bed, asleep, snoring quite loudly.
“Oh Jeez, I sure am exhausted from dungeons and dragons. Hopefully I get a good nights sleep tonight and can tackle my job at Gamestop tomorrow!” He said. and then fell, and the covered himself and slept.
Ernest tried to blink. His eyes barely moved. Every limb stiff. Frozen in the cold. The faintest twitch broke the stillness. A wiggle of toes. Then fingers. Legs kicking, arms frantically trying to break out of this invisible hold. They finally moved. Reaching forward. sturdy, cold plastic met his fingertips.
With a hiss, the pod opened up, dumping Ernest to the floor. Pinkish-red, curly hair flopping down onto his forehead. He struggled to stand, hearing more hissing noises. Around, Icy floppy bodies fell onto the cold metal ground.
“Danny?” he stammered out
“Ernest?” The man replied.
“Guys?” Geoff added
“I’m here too!” Maggie called, face down on the floor after failing to catch herself
“What the fuck… Where the fuck” Ernest rubbed his head. He scanned his surroundings. Eventually, he spied a large black rectangle, spotted with little white dots. He blinked,
“Oh fuck no”
“What?” Danny asked, having pulled himself and Maggie to their feet.
“Are we in fucking space?” He yelled
“What!” Geoff looked out the window “Oh fuck, how did we get to space!”
“Wait, space!?” Maggie asked bewildered
“I fucking guess!” Danny threw his hands up. “What the fuck are these things anyways!” he kicked at the plastic pods the quartet had awoken from. “Gah!” He grasped his foot.
“I dunno, stasis pods?” Geoff mumbled. “Is it just us? maybe the others are here too”
“Why the fuck would they be here?” Ernest shot
“Why the fuck are we here!” Geoff shot back.
The four all stood, staring at one another.
A voice crackled through speakers above, a deep and brass like voice rang through the static. “Uh, ladies and gentlemen, this is captain Otto speaking. Prepare to jump to hyper space”
Geoff and Ernest went wide eyed. “No fucking way”
“Wait” Danny interjected “Isn’t Cody’s middle name Ott-”
The ship lurched forward. The whole party dumped onto their asses. Pained groans echoed out of the room.
“God damn it, is this the space campaign?” Ernest called. His question was answered by a sudden seizing of the ship, followed by a great grinding explosion that rocked the vessel
“What the fuck was that!” Maggie cried.
“Probably the left most engine ripping off in hyper space” Geoff groaned “We gotta get to the engine room!”
“Why!!!” Danny and the others had stood at this point. They faced a strange rectangle with a button on it, a device they assumed to be a door
“The engine room was the only safe place in the space campaign! If this is the same place, then we gotta get there!”
The door opened.
Everyone gasped. A salvo of curse words shrieked into the air as the innocent boys and girl stared into the horror of their new reality.
Ahead, a corpse riddled with holes lay broken on the ground, clutching a large metal gun of some sort. His blue robes were adorned with religious iconography and large flowing tapestry.
“Okay fuck this” Ernest pulled out his cellphone. Its display lit up revealing the date “Libris Proto 40XXX”. By some stroke of divine favor, he had service.
“What are you doing?” Danny asked
“I’m calling Chris.” Ernest dialed.
The Phone rang,
“Ernest, whats up?” Chris answered
“Chris what the fuck”
“What do you mean, what the fuk?”
“We’re in fucking space!”
“You’re what?” Chris replied, incredulous. “I just left DND dude, Quit fucking with me”
“I am not fucking with you!” Ernest yelled
“FINE” Ernest tapped at the screen, flipping it sideways. The others watched as a flash of light captured the spectacle ahead of them. He tapped a couple more times before returning the phone to his ear. “Check your messages!”
A moment passed.
“WHAT THE FUCK” Screeched out of the phone.
“Sorry! But how the fuck are you guys in space!”
“I wish we knew!” Ernest yelled. “But this feels like the space campaign!”
The two continued to chat as Danny and Maggie made their way down the hallway. They checked the corridors, finding them empty. The walls were covered in strange scripting and symbolic imagery. The only discernible markings were a trio of signs with arrows pointing down the various hallways. Their meanings were lost on the two, the symbols designating the rooms were indecipherable.
“Well, the dead guy looks like a tech-priest.”
“The hell is a tech priest?”
“Its a servant of the imperium of man, from the Warhammer 40k universe.
Ernest threw up his hands. He groaned “Of course It is! Why! Why is any of this happening!”
“I don’t have a fucking clue, but if it really is Warhammer you need to be on full alert if you want to stay alive!” Chris scolded. “That universe is unforgiving.”
Geoff inspected the dead body. There was little of worth on him save for a very large gun with the words “BOLTER” carved on the side in plain English.
Searching the walls, Maggie came across what looked to be a communications panel.
“Look, Ill be home soon. I gotta check on something”
“Alright, call me when you’re there” He hung up the phone.
Maggie called out “Hey, maybe we can ask for directions!” she pointed at the console. The others looked over at the strange square object. An obvious red button stood out next to what appeared to be a speaker.
“I got this” Danny stepped up to the console. he mashed the button and began to speak in a firm voice. “Engine room, Report”
A deep and familiar voice crackled out of the speaker. “This is the engine room!”
“Cody?!” Danny’s voice returned to normal.
“This is Cody 26 yes”
“Cody its Danny! Wait, 26?”
“Oh hi Danny! I didn’t know you were aboard this ship.”
“Never mind me, why are you here?”
“I’m the engines guy. Been here for yeaaaahs” Cody responded
“What, wa- okay never mind, Cody we need to get to the engine room, how do we get there?”
“Just follow the damn signs!” Irritation peaked through his voice.
“We cant read these signs!”
“What are you dumb?”
Danny was stunned. “Okay… what symbol represents the engine room?” he turned to the signs. “There’s a skull with lines through it… one thats got some weird triangular shapes… and the last one looks like a penis.”
Silence crackled through the speaker.
“Whats a penis?” Cody asked
Time stopped for a moment. Every face in the room stared in bewilderment.
“What the actually fuck” A small slap echoed from Ernest’s hand meeting his brow.
“Cody what the hell is wrong with you” Danny chided
“Excuse you!” he barked “You’re the one who cant read! Just follow the rocket okay?”
“The rocket is probably the dick.” Maggie muttered.
The group collected themselves around the corpse. Ernest stared at the gun. “I don’t think we’ll be able to take that” Geoff added in. He looked off to the right. “Its as big as your chest” As he looked back, The gun had vanished. His eyes went wide, he looked up to find Ernest stuffing something in his back pack.
“What!” He exclaimed “How?!”
“Lets get moving” Danny called from down the hall.
The quartet made their way. In front, Ernest led, followed by Geoff, then Danny, And finally Maggie.
The long winding corridor went mostly straight, only curving slightly at points. The group passed a few crossroads, still continuing to follow the dick on the wall.
After a few minutes, another corpse appeared.
“Hold up” Ernest whispered, signaling for his friends to stop. Geoff peered over his shoulder, then broke into a sprint past him. “Geoff wait!”
Geoff grabbed the corpse. Its head rolled limp onto its shoulder, its glossy dead eyes staring into oblivion.
“God! Damn it!” Geoff screamed! “Its Cameron!”
The rest of the party rushed over. Cameron’s corpse was riddled with similar holes as the one before him. He was dressed strangely, adorned in robes and tapestry that coated him like a priest. He was not alone in his dead state, on the opposing wall, a little further down, a massive bright blue armored man lay unmoving as well.
The group grieved. Anger, sorrow, despair. Waves of emotion rocked them. Ernest looked away, filling his despair with visions of the metal man in front of him. He leaned in to inspect him closer.
A great weight pressed upon his shoulder as the Ultramarine in front of him came to life. His hand held Ernest firm, the gigantic hand making the stout man look puny by comparison. Despite his injuries, the marine moved with such swiftness and precision that Ernest had neither seen nor felt his movements until the hand already held him.
“Battle brother” The marine called out, delirious
“Uh! uh, Yea, yes! battle brother! I am here!” Ernest sputtered
“You must warn the others, Chaos boards this vessel” The hand dropped, clanging on the floor. The others looked over at the noise. Ernest looked back wide eyed.
Geoff looked back to his dead friend. A curious book was clutched in his hands. Curious, Geoff took the tome and began to read through it. Curious arcane texts, numerous and indecipherable appeared. An energy surged through him, tinting his skin red, then rouge. He blinked, closing the tome.
A sudden chill filled the air. Maggie looked down the hall.
A strange, shape staggered in the dark. Its formless, numerous legs lurched about underneath it, bringing it closer and closer. It shook violently with every motion. A subtle, violent shriek oozed from its maw.
“Guys” Maggie called to the others. “Guys we gotta go. We gotta go now!”
The creature charged.
“RUN!” The four scattered. Danny tripped. Ernest grabbed him. They made for the nearest door.
Looking back the creature morphed. Its pinkish blue skin shining in the darkness. It raised what one could only believe was a finger. Tendrils of lightning streaked down the hall. The blasts narrowly missing.
The door in front of them opened.
They dove in.
It slammed shut, keeping the creature at bay.
“Is everyone okay!” Danny called
The others groaned out their living state.
“Oh hey guys”
The four looked over. Standing by a console near the door “Stood” Cody. His normal tall, narrow form was instead replaced with a slightly green, blobby form that only resembled his normal shape. instead of his usual drab, an orderly uniform was submerged in the goop the dribbled from his skin.
“Fucking Christ. Cody?!” Ernest managed.
“I am Cody 26 yes” He answered.
Everyone worked to their feat, staring at their oozy friend.
“Cody 26…” Geoff started. “So there are 25 other Cody’s?”
“Well there were. They’re all dead.”
“Oh!” Geoff stammered “I’m sorry?”
“Don’t be, I was cloned well after Cody 25’s demise.” he tossed out.
“Huh” Geoff could only stare.
While the two spoke about everything and nothing at all the others inspected the room. A set of laser rifles adorned the nearest wall, four guns and what looked to be a strange headset. Around the room a large generator that had some kind of cyborg fiddling with it, a door leading into a back room, two windows streaked with the bleeding light of hyper space.
“And so now we’re trying to figure out how we got here” Geoff finished
“Well I can’t really explain that.” Cody 26 shugged. “Maybe you can ask the commander”
“Yeah, Maggie Prime”
Maggie whipped around “Wait what?”
“Yeah. Maggie Prime, Leader of the Sisters of Battle, and commander of this ship”
Maggie mouthed a silent ‘what the fuck’ as the others swallowed their surprise. Danny disappeared. He was still in the room, somewhere, shouting when talked to. The others mostly ignored his disappearing act. A plesant smell of fresh homemade cooking filled the room from no discernable location.
“G E N E R A T O R, F I X E D” The cyborg announced “P R E P A R E F O R W A R P”
“Wait” Ernest turned. “Zach?-”
The ship lurched. Space folded in on itself. darkness stole the world.