MAGGIE WROTE THIS ONE
As a quick note There needs to be more dead people in my life. They make great listeners!
Anyways, I woke up this morning at the Kitten, with an aching neck on account of sleeping face-down on the table down in the tavern. Buttercup was still there, although all my buddies had taken off somewhere, which I think was kind of rude. They didn’t even leave me a note!
So I drank breakfast, and then I was feeling really awful. I don’t like to write about this sober, but I was stuck in an awful place for a long time. And I guess I started telling Buttercup about it. Bless his dead, dwarven soul for being so patient with me, no matter how inflexible his position has gotten.Anyways I told him about the torture and the assassins and the faces and oh my god it was so unspeakably (crossed out text)
Then I had an idea to make myself a mask after that discussion with Buttercup. It honestly felt like the right thing to do at the time. After a bit of thought, I realized I could just cut up some nice leather to make something to cover my face, so I started looking for the person with the nicest leather wallet. I found this noble-looking moon elf lady walking down the street so I snatched her coin purse right out of her pocket! There was an unbelievable amount of gold in there, too! It made a lot of noise when I dumped it out on the ground, so then she obviously heard that (duh) and started chasing me or whatever so I bailed. The purse was pretty cute, too. All purple and lacey and stuff. I tore it up and poked some eye-holes in and I was good to go!
So I took off down an alley to go cool off, and I also borrowed some other halfling’s laundry that actually fits better than my other clothes do since getting held in a secret assassins lair for a month and enduring all manner of torture and misery without beer or any other form of alcohol makes you lose a surprising amount of weight. I’ll give it back to them when I’m done with it, I promise. I guess this was the back alley of a baker’s shop too cause I found a thrown-out bottle of vanilla extract! I chugged that right away.
Anyways I started to head towards the general store to get some supplies, I think. I don’t actually remember at this point. I remember striking up some conversations along the way about how I wish I was better at jerking ogres off than cutting off people’s fingers. Or the eyeballs thing. I don’t think that made me many friends.
I forgot what I was going to buy at the general store when I got there, so I just started wandering around. The shopkeep kept on standing reeeeeally close to me too the whole time, like he thought I was going to actually steal something from him. Or he wanted to smell my hair or something weird like that. I ended up in front of the tools section (heh) when I saw there were a bunch of pliers in there, and then I got this awful feeling in my gut and I got super sick all of a sudden! I ended up puking all over this poor shopkeep, and I felt so awful about it that I grabbed a carton of eggs and ran outside.
I kept running and running and then some keepers started yelling at me about wanting somebody called Grand Lars N.E. for something. I didn’t want them to think I was suspicious in any way especially after that coinpurse thing so I ran away really fast. And they kept on following me! I started climbing a building to get away from them, which worked pretty well. I started hopping blocks heading left for a while, then I climbed back down. But just as I thought I wasn’t being chased anymore…. they appeared!
Not the keepers, the SKELETONS!
I’m pretty sure these were the same skeletons Leer had in his lair. Leer Lair. hehe
But these guys seemed pretty sour about something. Almost like they wanted to hurt me! I started running back the way I came cause I did not want to deal with them.
But then I ran into the keepers again!
They rounded a corner as I was escaping the skeletons, so they ran into me and also gave me a good scare! I tried to warn them about the skeletons, so I told them “Skeletons!” and then I remembered they probably wanted to arrest me or something, so I threw my eggs at them.
That didn’t work too well, and they pinned me to the ground in about five seconds. Being short sucks sometimes.
So then I got dragged off to the crime zone. The sin bin. The prison-wison.
At least it wasn’t that prison.
When I was being herded into the holding cell I caught a peek of that Art-Work guy reading some folders or something. Though I don’t think he’ll give me any more money or do that funny thing where he turns purple once he finds out I’m in Actual Jail. I figure it’s best to keep quiet and stay out of his way for a long while. I almost feel bad about that.
Anyways I spent a few hours in here with the other degenerates of the Brow. Am I officially a criminal now? Literal, actual, scum of the earth? It’s probably better my legal status has caught up after what I’ve done to my friends. They took my new mask, too. It’s kinda weird they’re letting me use this quill for my diary while I’m in here, though.
(Crossed out words here)
Anyways, so while I was sitting in the cell writing the whole building caught on fire! Crazy right? Keepers were freaking out and running all over the place. Prisoners were going crazy too, I mean, so was I, I wasn’t exactly happy burning to death in a cage. Thankfully one of the older guys ran over to us with a key and led us out of the burning building. I spied some boney boys with torches whacking the walls as we gathered into the back of a cart and sped off.
Did you know horses can run really fast? I see so few of them these days. All the skeletons and the burning building disappeared as the cart raced off into the night.
Anyways, I’ve got to stop writing for now. We’ve reached this familiar looking factory and are carting everyone Inside. All of us lawbreakers are getting re-caged in these makeshift boxes. At least I have my own private space here. I wish I hadn’t thrown my eggs. I’m hungry.
I miss my friends. I hope they’re alright.